The world we live in is evolving day by day, a new innovation, a new development day by day everyday. All those innovation, development requires a special skill, the skill of risk taking. If we see the present scenario of the world the people who has the ability to take steps even though there is darkness of uncertainty, they achieve a superpower to hike in the dark. From Bill gates to Steve Jobs to Elon musk they keep on putting ideologies of why there is no gain without risk. But are the parents really urging the children for taking risk? I know some of the parents( including mine) who are extremely panicky and I would like to write how their panicky behaviour affects the life of their teen offspring.
I will explain that with some of my personal experiences. So one day after the completion of my board exam of class 11 I asked my parents if I can go to Lumbini with my friend (a full disclosure::: the friend I was talking about was not an addict or a kid with bad influence, he was extremely well mannered and my parents loved him). Lumbini is even not that far from Kathmandu, but my parents said no. Why? Because they feared that a drunk man will beat us. Seriously dad? That was the reason?? I am not that much of a loser to just not go out considering the very minor possibility that a drunk man will come and beat us. But my brother is very obedient and he accepts whatever my father said to him. If my father had said the same to him what message would he get? He would have been provided the narrative that this world is very very very very very dangerous place to live in, and in every place or every situation that you are, your life is in constant danger. If you provide this narrative to your child then how can you expect him to take decisions? Because everytime he tries to take decision he sees the minor possibility of failure or mishappening and he makes that minor possibility a major possibility and he will always be scared to take the decision. And in the long run panic attack and anxiety disorder. Is that what you want your kid to be dad?
I perceive life to be all about the experience and the best way to learn is through experience especially in the teen age. We teenagers do not believe unless we experience it, we never believed that the break up hurts, and we never believed that after break up we can still live happily, we never believed that the hangover after the massive party night sucks, we never believed that our own friend makes plan in secret to beat us, we never believed it wasn’t possible to hide the truth from the school DI (Discipline Incharge) until we experienced it and those experiences made us learn lots of things and eventually changed our behaviour and turned us towards a mature living being. If you, the parents do not provide their children this opportunity to explore how can you expect them to experience? Don’t tell me that alcohol is bad because I have not seen a single life damaged due to alcohol, don't tell me that riding cycle in main road is risky because I have not experienced being up close to a bus in my cycle. Let the teen experience because he is urging to know the life and he is urging to learn the life of a mature human beings. Why do you set limits on his limitless world?
Just as I said if it was my brother, he would never question the decision of my dad and stay in the home but I am not my brother. I want to travel, so I will travel. And how is that possible? By lying to my parents. Then the chain of lies starts. I will not have honest communications with my parents, all conversation will be made one. I will not even respect my own parents, instead of believing them as the one for my security and my wellbeing, I will start considering them as my enemy who is against every decision that I make. Is that what you want mom?
Please people don’t reject the child’s wish of experiencing. Even though there is uncertainty in the actions, let the child enroll the uncertainty to draw his own conclusion. Parenting is not only spending money on the kid’s health, education, food it is also how you talk to your kid, how you appreciate the kid’s achievement, respecting your child’s decision. Those things are what determines the relation, a consummatory one or an emotional one..
My humble request to every parents out there, the only way to have a fruit full and emotional relation with your children is to project light in the darkness but not to explain the dark. If you want me to be a mature human being you shouldn’t be the fence on the path to maturity, if you want me to take right decision you need to provide me the freedom to get hit by the bad decisions otherwise I will be a man with an experience of a baby who regrets his whole life because he never took the risk of leaving his parents.
I will explain that with some of my personal experiences. So one day after the completion of my board exam of class 11 I asked my parents if I can go to Lumbini with my friend (a full disclosure::: the friend I was talking about was not an addict or a kid with bad influence, he was extremely well mannered and my parents loved him). Lumbini is even not that far from Kathmandu, but my parents said no. Why? Because they feared that a drunk man will beat us. Seriously dad? That was the reason?? I am not that much of a loser to just not go out considering the very minor possibility that a drunk man will come and beat us. But my brother is very obedient and he accepts whatever my father said to him. If my father had said the same to him what message would he get? He would have been provided the narrative that this world is very very very very very dangerous place to live in, and in every place or every situation that you are, your life is in constant danger. If you provide this narrative to your child then how can you expect him to take decisions? Because everytime he tries to take decision he sees the minor possibility of failure or mishappening and he makes that minor possibility a major possibility and he will always be scared to take the decision. And in the long run panic attack and anxiety disorder. Is that what you want your kid to be dad?
I perceive life to be all about the experience and the best way to learn is through experience especially in the teen age. We teenagers do not believe unless we experience it, we never believed that the break up hurts, and we never believed that after break up we can still live happily, we never believed that the hangover after the massive party night sucks, we never believed that our own friend makes plan in secret to beat us, we never believed it wasn’t possible to hide the truth from the school DI (Discipline Incharge) until we experienced it and those experiences made us learn lots of things and eventually changed our behaviour and turned us towards a mature living being. If you, the parents do not provide their children this opportunity to explore how can you expect them to experience? Don’t tell me that alcohol is bad because I have not seen a single life damaged due to alcohol, don't tell me that riding cycle in main road is risky because I have not experienced being up close to a bus in my cycle. Let the teen experience because he is urging to know the life and he is urging to learn the life of a mature human beings. Why do you set limits on his limitless world?
Just as I said if it was my brother, he would never question the decision of my dad and stay in the home but I am not my brother. I want to travel, so I will travel. And how is that possible? By lying to my parents. Then the chain of lies starts. I will not have honest communications with my parents, all conversation will be made one. I will not even respect my own parents, instead of believing them as the one for my security and my wellbeing, I will start considering them as my enemy who is against every decision that I make. Is that what you want mom?
Please people don’t reject the child’s wish of experiencing. Even though there is uncertainty in the actions, let the child enroll the uncertainty to draw his own conclusion. Parenting is not only spending money on the kid’s health, education, food it is also how you talk to your kid, how you appreciate the kid’s achievement, respecting your child’s decision. Those things are what determines the relation, a consummatory one or an emotional one..
My humble request to every parents out there, the only way to have a fruit full and emotional relation with your children is to project light in the darkness but not to explain the dark. If you want me to be a mature human being you shouldn’t be the fence on the path to maturity, if you want me to take right decision you need to provide me the freedom to get hit by the bad decisions otherwise I will be a man with an experience of a baby who regrets his whole life because he never took the risk of leaving his parents.
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